My 15 year old cat ran away, how do I say goodbye?

[librakitty]

I don't even know where to begin. My cat, Elmo, was over 15 years old. I've had him since he was 5 weeks, and I was 15. He came into my life at a very critical stage-I was a depressed teenager with suicidal thoughts, & then suddenly I had this tiny little kitten who was completely dependent on me. I know longer felt the urge to take my life-I had someone who needed me. Through the years Elmo has been my Guardian Angel-saving me over and over again in many ways. I put a lot of emotion into this little guy, and he never let me down. Don't get me wrong-he could be a pain in the rear LOL and was he ever mean sometimes! But that was just the way he was. To make a very long story short, I'd noticed about 3 weeks ago he'd lost some weight, had started vomiting frequently & was having bouts of diarrhea. I took him to the Veterinarian and sure enough he'd lost 3 lbs since February. Come to find out he had beginning stages of kidney disease and also (back) disc disease. I was set to take him to the Veterinarian this last week so they could teach me to administer the at home IV drip 3X a week, plus put him on pain pills for his back. I never got the chance because 4 nights ago Elmo-who has always been an indoor cat-snuck out the back door and has yet to return. He's a smart cat who has run away in the past a few times and has always returned home, but this time it's different. This time he was sick and getting old. I've done everything I could, posted flyers, gone to the pound, registered him on every online lost pet website I could find, walked around the neighborhood calling his name, everything. I'm not dealing with the loss very well, I've cried for the last 4 days nonstop, work is suffering, my 2 year old is getting the short fused mommy. My question is this: How am I supposed to come to terms with the fact that my cat has most likely died-I'm sure he took off to die-when I have no body to bury? When do you give up the hope of him coming back? How do I deal with this loss that feels so deep and so painful? And why does it hurt this bad? And how is it fair to share 15 years of your life with someone only to NOT know how it ends???? I knew it was going to hurt, I just assumed I'd be there at the end. I'm a mess!!!!

[luvemlots]

My heart goes out to you. OMG. What can I say? I promise I won't get corny. YES it hurts. Your cat was as much a part of your family as your child. And the fact that Elmo was there when you needed an anchor. Yes you should grieve for him. I'll grieve with you. I don't have anything to offer other than than this. My heart aches as I write this. Please take a good deep breath and hug your 2 year old. Please stay in touch.

[librakitty]

I'm happy to report that my cat Elmo, returned home this morning. He looks like he lost some weight and hasn't stopped drinking and eating since he got in. I want thank this forum for giving me an outlet. I thought I had lost my friend and to be able to write it down helped me deal with what I was feeling. It was a huge relief to know that how I was feeling is normal, as I thought I was losing my mind!!!!! And thank you especially, luvemlots. I read what you wrote before going to work last night and it made me feel better. These animals really know how to get into our hearts.
I thank God my Elmo came home to me. He is not well and by the looks of it this little "adventure" of his aged him considerably. Back to the Veterinarian this week! To anyone who loses your pet, aka family member, my heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am a new member but plan on being regular, so I'll keep you updated on Elmo's health issues!
Thank you! Dara

[luvemlots]

I am so glad to hear your good news. I was afraid that your Elmo was gone for good. Right now my beautiful Katie is sitting on my lap as I type, purring and loving all over me. You can see them on my My Sweeties post. Katie is the one with the V mark on her head. Emma is the almost all white one. I could prattle on about my kitties. As you can testify, our pets become more than just pets. Katie greets me at the door when I get home and no matter what kind of day I've had, she follows me to the couch, jumps up, gives my shirt a few licks and buries her head in my chest. You can see this on my avatar. Take care of Elmo. I'm not religious, but I believe there is a god and he takes care of children and animals. He sent Elmo home to you. As my Katie is telling me right now, "Meeow,rrrrrowww,rrroww." I'll talk to you later.

[latergatorj]

dear librakitty:

I'm glad your kitty came back. Your story was heartbreaking and very similar to mine. My Abby came into my life the same way your kitty did, I was a depressed teenager and she was this little soul that captured my heart, and she was there for me through so many things. I had to put her down a year ago, she was 10, and still haven't gotten over it. It was the right thing to do, but still the hardest thing I've had to do. I also lost Ranger in June, a kitty I inherited when my grandma died. Losing him wasn't just losing him, it was also losing my last living connection and promise to her. I got him when he was 13 and he died at 19 1/2.

I am sorry that you are going through the same path I've already started on. It's not one I would wish on anyone. Luvemalot is right, they may not say anything, but they don't need to, actions say more than a thousand words.

Hug your kitty close, enjoy him for as long as you're able.